Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Caps/Bruins, 1/24/2012

I have a confession to make.

I thought we were going to lose this game.

I know, I'm awful, I didn't believe nearly hard enough--but the Bruins are a pretty good hockey team right now (in January, when it definitely counts) and the Caps were hurting bad, they were stripped down. If this were a game of Jenga, this would have been the part where some asshole took a bunch of bottom foundation pieces out and wrecked the structural integrity so that the next person to touch it sent it all toppling down.

Except it didn't. Everything stayed up, and the Caps came away looking awesome instead.

I love hockey so fucking much.



I probably didn't breathe until at least five minutes into the game. I was waiting for the domination. We were promised domination, we put it on our flyers and everything--after all, the Bruins were coming to town, and everyone is so goddamned terrified of them, they're supposed to be so scary.

Not so much.

Here's the thing--the Bruins have a lot of attitude right now, but not attitude like in a Steve McQueen way, in a way like they've just hit adolescence and they're going to sneak out of their bedrooms and go drink with their friends, fuck yeah, they're so cool. They've certainly mastered jackassery and theatrics and a lot of other things that aren't actual hockey skills, but when it comes to the rink all you need to do is what you do with any schoolyard bully, and just push back.

I expected massacre. It didn't come. Instead I got to watch my team do much, much better than I expected them to do--there were shots on goal, there were even scoring chances. That small, speedy first line somehow avoided disaster. Knuble was being the best player on the ice and wanted nothing more than to fuck up some Bruins.

They hung in there. In fact, they nearly made it to the first intermission tied at zero, but then just to make sure they didn't get too complacent, minor disaster struck. Karl Alzner swears he was trying to clear that one. His stick had other ideas.


What a dumb goal. Rest assured that Karl Alzner is very ashamed.


The second period is different, because in the second period, the Caps are aware that they're in this. No quarter is given. Brooks Laich is checking Zdeno Chara. Tomas Vokoun is being his usual frustrating self. He never lets us down, except for a few times that don't count.


Probably nobody's watching Cody Eakin. Cody Eakin makes them feel pretty stupid for that. 1-1.

You aren't even done celebrating this yet when another beautiful thing happens. This goal brought to you by Alex Semin's ridiculous hands--fantastic job by Perreault putting it away but I hope you had an eye on Semin making shit happen all night. Size issues regardless, that first line has enough pure offensive talent to make you sick. Dale Hunter is looking like a mad genius. 2-1.

Tyler Seguin ruins the whole mood. It's a goal, I guess.


I continually get the impression that Mr. Seguin thinks he's pretty hot shit. This is probably something to do with all the fifteen-year-old girls constantly proposing marriage, but hopefully all of this is not going to his head, because what a lonely, empty place that must be.



Wooooo take your shirt off.

Tie game.


Most Ovechkin goal not to be scored by an actual Ovechkin: Boychuk gives the puck away to Perreault, who needs no other invitation tonight. He goes in on a breakaway and scores like he does this every day. Hats? On. We believe.


Oh Brad Marchand. Did you somehow think that you weren't annoying enough without a goal against us? I promise you, you were annoying enough. This is just overkill.

Whatever. 3-3 game at the second intermission. This is the most exciting game of your life.


The Verizon Center sounds like a fucking Thunderdome for the next 20 minutes. All the people there in Boston jerseys are feeling pretty stupid. The team is looking fierce, winning battles, taking advantage of opportunities, yeah that's right, John Tortorella. Opportunism leads to goals.

Perreault takes his second penalty of the night for high-sticking...Zdeno Chara? All right. This is very bemusing as there's nearly a foot of height difference between them, but if Perreault was actually able to accomplish the infraction they called him for, he deserves a high five, not two minutes.

He's not done.


HATS.


You probably made some pretty strange noises. God knows I did. The only good thing about low expectations is that when something else happens instead of the defeat you thought, it feels downright miraculous.

An empty netter for Mr. All Star, just to show the Bruins just how fucking good he's doing without them, and the Caps win, 5-3. Sorry, I can't schedule anything for the next week because I'll be busy watching replays of this game.


Win.



Dare I say best game of the season? It's up there. There were no two ways about it, the reason this hockey game was being played was to see what the Washington Capitals were made of. At least for now, you have to say we've answered those questions--and hopefully, the boys have answered it for themselves, too, remembered what they are even when all the chips are down.

Normally Caps fans do not cry because this his hockey and we have a reputation to uphold. But this is different. This is pride crying.

I love this fucking team. 

Let's go Caps.

11 comments:

  1. "They've certainly mastered jackassery and theatrics and a lot of other things that aren't actual hockey skills"

    LOL

    FIGURED US OUT AFTER ONE GAME, HUH? i'm telling you, we were distracted staring at your EASTERN CONFERENCE REGULAR SEASON WINNER banners in awe.

    you played a good game! but hold off on planning the Cup parade there, Vancouver. we still have three more games this season, and we'll see if you really are pushing back or if maybe the schoolyard bullies were just sick with a cold. (or had upset stomachs because of too much dessert -- FROM ALL THE TURNOVERS, BRUINS >:| )

    hopefully you won't get distracted by OUR banners when you come visit -- you know, the ones with Stanley Cup Champions on them.

    CAN I BE A MORE OBNOXIOUS BRUINS FAN, SHOULD I THREATEN TO HIT YOU? WAIT I'LL GET SUSPENDED :|

    love,
    your bruins fan friend who argues out of affection and thinks your opinions are wrong :D :D :D

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  2. dude i don't want to worry you but if you got beat by THIS Caps team, you've got bigger problems, my friend.

    believe me, no Cup parade planned as yet! we are taking one game at a time. this one was a damn good one, though.

    three games left where we actually have a top line! that'll be nice! CAN'T WAIT.

    <33333333333333333333

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  3. dude we've gotten beaten three times by the HURRICANES, okay? believe me, i know. YOU'RE ON OUR LIST OF REVENGE-TO-BE-HAD, don't worry. also way to be so ungrateful about how nice it was of us to let you win that one and get your confidence back. geez. ;P

    it was a damn good game! you'll never hear me argue against good hockey. well probably you will, but you at least know when i'm serious or not.

    and we'll have horton and ferry back! and bring it, we want to beat you with all your top guns anyway.

    hey, did you know segs only has one less goal than ovechkin this year? if you didn't let me point that out to you. /obnoxious bruins fan, redux

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  4. yes except i think most of the reason we beat you last night was because last night we were better at hockey :| JUST SAYING.

    yes, hearing how many goals people have scored relative to Ovechkin is always interesting to me! DO TELL.

    (also i love Shannon whoever is reading this do not be confused. she is misguided in her sports fandom but great regardless.)

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  5. you were better at hockey last night, maybe. but if you're using that argument, the one about recently-played-hockey-this-season, i think the numbers show who is better IN GENERAL. *cough*bruins*cough*

    WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS IN THE POST-SEASON. oh, sorry, do i need to provide a definition of what that means? i know you're not very familiar with the concept.

    just trying to help you realize why we're awfully fond of Mr. Seguin! it's certainly not for his partying skills. /chirps own team

    (yyy i also love ana despite her being so very, very wrong about her hockey opinions. LEARN FROM US, WORLD. :| )

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  6. but why does that matter in the context of us beating you? :D we had the discussion about pretty numbers. they're a consolation prize if you can't take it all the way.

    so i agree with you! WE'LL SEE~~

    for you to refer to his partying skills he would at first have to have some!

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  7. "we had the discussion about pretty numbers. they're a consolation prize if you can't take it all the way."

    along with pretty banners -- SORRY I CAN'T HELP IT, THAT MAKES ME LAUGH, I KNOW YOU AND THE CAPS FANS HATE THEM but too bad, it's mockery i'm going for here :|

    so wait, you think the numbers don't matter unless they're the ones that say you won a game? if that's true then every single game up until the playoffs mean nothing so who cares that you won?

    YOU CONFUSE ME WITH YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT NUMBERS AND WHEN THEY MATTER, ARE YOU A MOB ACCOUNTANT. it's like we're playing three-card monte, here. FIND THE LADY, FIND THE LADY! FIND THE LADY'S OPINION ON STATISTICS! IT'S HIDDEN UNDER ONE OF THESE BANNERS.

    (ILY)

    wait, you weren't impressed by those pictures? :| WELL IT'S NO RAP VIDEO, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT. sorry, doing our best, here.

    <3

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  8. i'm saying that they shouldn't matter to YOU. it doesn't help you on the ice that we have a worse record at this point in time and it certainly didn't help you win!

    and i will reiterate: numbers mean a lot. just don't expect them to scare or intimidate me.

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  9. So that guy from (probably not from) Boston, the cryptically and artistically named "inathunderstorm?" That person should have stopped saying things after that whomp-whomp about TURNOVERS!!! FOR DESSERT!!!

    Because he sounds like a total nerd.

    To conclude: "Bruin," I believe, is slang for a hairy gay.

    HONK! HONK! HONK!
    LET'S! GO! CAPS!

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    Replies
    1. ....LOL WHAT xD are you a real internet person or a bizarre spambot?

      a)i'm actually a girl!

      b) omg did you just call me "cryptic and artistic" because i've never been referred to as "cryptic" in my whole life! I AM A WOMAN OF ~MYSTERY~ OMG

      c)i'm from the south, not from boston.

      d) whether or not i am a hirsute individual who enjoys the company of my own sex is, darling, none of your business ;) stick to hockey, and while you're at it? try better insults, because YAWN :|

      Delete
  10. TIME TO YELL ABOUT GIVING THE 'NING TWO POINTS, ISN'T IT?

    ReplyDelete