this game was a fistful of Valium

An entire hockey game happened apparently. Were you even awake? The Capitals weren't.

Most sluggishly paced game inside one of the quietest arenas we have played so far this season. Zzzzzzzzz. Maybe it's the altitude.

I am over this game. You should get over it, too! Here are some things to help you:

THINGS THAT WERE STUPID

1. The ice--Apparently there was an NBA game last night in this arena, and if you needed any more proof that the NBA is the ball game of the damned, this would be it. People were blowing tires left and right, losing skate blades. We're probably lucky no one got hurt.

2.  Cody McLeod's Almost Gordie Howe hat trick. It's a good thing that he did not complete this, because it would have been the stupidest Gordie Howe hat trick imaginable. He scored his goal on the bizarrest puck flutter ever to flutter, and he threw down against Hendricks in a fight where Hendricks' helmet was pushed over his eyes for most of the fight. Super impressive night, champ.

THINGS TO CHEER YOU UP

A bouquet made out of bacon. 

Elvis in "Jailhouse Rock."

Peep sushi.

The angry dance from "Footloose." 

Remember when our offense didn't suck? Try. It will help you have hope that the real offense is coming back soon.

Hope. Faith. Rage. This is how much we need of each right now:

Please adjust accordingly, team.

We mean it this time. Let's go Caps.