dear Mike Knuble

You're awesome.

That's not even right. Awesome doesn't even express it. You are a Viking warrior sent from the past to win hockey games, you are a monster. Not that many people make it to 1,000 games at this level, Mike, not in a game that's more physically challenging than any other sport, not in a league that will chew you up and spit you out as soon as look at you. You have to be tough to make it through one game, let alone 1,000. It's a big deal, all right? We all think it's a big deal, stop being so goddamn modest. Own it: you're excellent. Every man in the world wishes they were you, and every team in the league wishes they had you.

(Here is a picture of Mike Knuble. Actual size.)

You're a dad. You're a husband. You're a hockey player. If there's any way to be a more stellar example of what to do with 39 years, I have no idea what the fuck it is.

I'm so glad you're on my hockey team. I love what you bring to it. I love that you're competitive and fearless, I love that you tell it like it is. You're the net's natural predator, it sees you coming and it knows what's up, that net is like "oh shit, it's Mike Knuble. I'm going to get crashed tonight." 

Fucking right you are, net. And you will like it.  

This is how it's done, kids. If you want to be a hockey player, behave like Mike Knuble.

(Mike Knuble)

 Years later, when people say that someone crashed the net, they will say that they Knubled it. It'll be a thing.

(Mike Knuble)

Have fun at your 1,000th game tomorrow. Score all the goals. But don't stop there, we'll see you at game 3,000, we'll see you at game 5,292,904. We don't entirely think this is beyond you, because we have yet to find something that is.

P.S. World: Here is his twitter handle. @MikeKnuble22 . I don't know if he uses it on account of he is old, but TWEET THE HELL OUT OF IT ANYWAY TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS. DROP EVERYTHING, GO DO THIS NOW.