Ugh, Tampa Bay.
I still hate those motherfuckers, on account of the time they got their stupid selves between us and the Stanley Cup. I will not forgive this ever. See: Penguins, Pittsburgh; Canadiens, Montreal. Mortal enemies do not get replaced. The list just gets longer.
This was one of those nights when I realized abruptly that I should be writing a pregame, and that once again it hadn't magically appeared on its own, and the first thing I always do in these situations is turn to my friend Katie and say "hey, write a pregame for me."
She usually says no.
Tonight she actually answered me, so I present a Habs fan's random impressions of this game, maybe followed by some real information but probably not.
KATIE ON THE GAME: "Tomorrow the Capitals will play a hockey team. Presumably this hockey team has players. We probably don't like some of them. Perhaps you should punch them in the face."
KATIE WHEN I TOLD HER IT WAS THE LIGHTNING: "Hey, they have real lightning in their arena now!" I tell her we are playing in our arena. "Oh well then they have nothing."
KATIE ON STAMKOS: "Cut your hair you goddamn hippy."
KATIE ON ROLOSON: "He is really old now. Like ancient. You can score so many goals on him. You can just fire them right through him. He has thin old-people skin."
KATIE ON HOW TO BEAT THE TRAP: "Skate fast."
ANY OTHER THREATS?: "Lecavalier's cheekbones. And Martin St. Louis being short. ...Hey, are they both French Canadian? And Guy Boucher is too! ...Montreal is in the wrong location. Why didn't we trade for them? Cammalleri for Boucher. This is a real trade proposal."
Yet another sports situation to remember when you get too down about the Caps: at least we are not the three-act trainwreck going on in Montreal right now!
The Caps are all right. They've had some trouble finding their footing lately but we have confidence in their ability to straighten shit out. The NHL is conveniently helping this endeavor by serving up a couple softballs--a couple of tired teams in a row, all struggling themselves, all on the second night of back-to-back games. Whoever was writing the schedule with a crystal ball a year ago is clearly on our side.
I feel pretty confident that we've got this one. The hate should be there, and no matter how much the Caps have been sliding, the Lightning have been sliding oh so much worse, and longer. Two more points is going to mean a lot, once again, and every night until April. It's going to be a slugfest.
Fuck yes.
Let's go Caps.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Caps/Pens, 1/11/2012
That was a terrible, horrible, ugly game. That was so, so bad at so many points. With only brief, brilliant exceptions, the Caps had all the coordination and hockey-playing skill of plankton tonight.
But we won.
If you want to know the reason, it's very simple. I could write this recap in two sentences, but if you know anything about me and my unnecessary wordiness by now, you know that I won't. But if you only read two words of the whole recap, read these two: Tomas Vokoun.
Every other Capital on the team owes that man a steak dinner.
It's the first time the Pens have been shut out all season. It's the first time they've been shut out in 48 games. Everyone knows that the Pens are a fucked-up, fucked-over team held together with shoelaces and chewing gun right now, but it's always great to beat them, no matter what the circumstances, it'll never not be just a little bit more satisfying most regular season games, even when it's the equivalent of kicking the crutches out from under a guy with two broken legs.
More importantly, it was a hockey game and the Caps won it, and we love it when they do that.
Significant moments in bullet form today, because a normal recap of this would just be me repeating "No. Bad. Wrong. Help." over and over, and maybe you'd think we didn't win the game after all. We did. Remind all your Pens friends, but gently. They're having a hard month.
VARIOUS THINGS:
Two points. Tied in eighth place in the conference now, with three more home games coming down the pipe. It was the least cute game you have ever seen perhaps, ever, but it's a win, and it's momentum. How glad are we to see Tomas Vokoun finally, finally play like the guy we'll need him to be in April? He earned that shutout a hundred times over, so good on him.
Caps had better not be planning on playing like that again. We'll take the win--but get your asses in gear. You've got some shit to prove, and everyone is watching. Make it happen.
Let's go Caps.
But we won.
If you want to know the reason, it's very simple. I could write this recap in two sentences, but if you know anything about me and my unnecessary wordiness by now, you know that I won't. But if you only read two words of the whole recap, read these two: Tomas Vokoun.
Every other Capital on the team owes that man a steak dinner.
It's the first time the Pens have been shut out all season. It's the first time they've been shut out in 48 games. Everyone knows that the Pens are a fucked-up, fucked-over team held together with shoelaces and chewing gun right now, but it's always great to beat them, no matter what the circumstances, it'll never not be just a little bit more satisfying most regular season games, even when it's the equivalent of kicking the crutches out from under a guy with two broken legs.
More importantly, it was a hockey game and the Caps won it, and we love it when they do that.
Significant moments in bullet form today, because a normal recap of this would just be me repeating "No. Bad. Wrong. Help." over and over, and maybe you'd think we didn't win the game after all. We did. Remind all your Pens friends, but gently. They're having a hard month.
VARIOUS THINGS:
- This game was on NBC, so you probably lost a few brain cells. Even though it's not Versus anymore, good to see that watching these broadcasts is still the fan equivalent of being concussed multiple times.
- Speaking of, His Holiness Sidney Crosby was in the press box tonight, which I'm sure you didn't miss because there were ten million camera shots of him. If I cared deeply about Sidney Crosby's minutely changing facial expressions, this would have been so great to me.
- Penguins had not gotten the memo that their season is a huge joke and provided some serious, if sloppy, offense for a lot of the game. We all appreciated the fight and feistiness--I don't respect the Penguins, per se, but I do have to admit that they've made things work with limited resources. Well, at least they have until now, cause the wheels are kinda coming off.
- You could almost see the moment when Vokoun realized that he was on his own here, and just decided to shut the door. Apparently he's capable of beating an average-to-poor team all by himself. No other players need skate.
- Hamrlik hit Dupuis awkwardly and sent him into the boards knee-first, and Malkin also disappeared into the dressing room for part of the night. Whoops. If the entire team is on IR do they automatically forfeit the season, I wonder?
- The single goal scored was from Chimera, because isn't it always Chimera this season? Still strange and wonderful to have them talk about him snapping his "goal-scoring draught", because Jason Chimera is a Scorer now.
- Add that Ovechkin hit on Adams to the list of things to watch when you're in a bad mood. Crrrrrunch.
- Kundratek mostly didn't fuck up at things! He seemed a beat behind every play, constantly, but he wasn't unbearable. Still probably not our best option at the moment. I wonder what this means for our our gaggle (flock? herd?) of defensemen.
Two points. Tied in eighth place in the conference now, with three more home games coming down the pipe. It was the least cute game you have ever seen perhaps, ever, but it's a win, and it's momentum. How glad are we to see Tomas Vokoun finally, finally play like the guy we'll need him to be in April? He earned that shutout a hundred times over, so good on him.
Caps had better not be planning on playing like that again. We'll take the win--but get your asses in gear. You've got some shit to prove, and everyone is watching. Make it happen.
Let's go Caps.
adopt a prospect: Tomas Kundratek
Welcome to the Washington Capitals, Mysterious Roster Moves edition. A few key pieces are essentially dead right now, and those who are not are playing like they are, so the holes will be filled by Adorable Children from Hershey, which is what they are there for.
(via)
Position: defense
Age: 22 (just barely--had his birthday the day after Christmas)
Nationality: Czech
Hair: swoopy
Why he's getting a shot: Kundratek has 6 goals and 8 points since he was traded to Hershey earlier this season, more than taking advantage of his new team and new opportunities. So what if we give him just a little...more...leash...
In a nutshell: "Kundratek's game is a simple one: he just gets in the opposition's way." (via)
Unexpected: He's best known as a solid, positional defenseman but he's certainly been successful jumping up into the play lately.
Sorry ladies: He's got a girlfriend.
Czech machine never breaks?: Kundratek joins Vokoun, Neuvirth, and Hamrlik as the fourth Czech on the team now. This is excellent as everyone love interviews in Czech accents.
Why we are all side-eyeing this move: Because including injured Mike Green, that gives the team NINE defensemen on roster right now. Nine. That's ridiculously too many, and it also brings the roster to 24, which is one over the 23 we are allowed to carry--so expect a move to be made, whether it's someone being sent down, placed on LTIR, or possibly--traded. Keep your eyes peeled.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
and the Lord said unto Job: a Pens/Caps pregame
1. There was a man in the land of Pittsburgh whose name was Dan Bylsma, and he was good and righteous, and wore many fedoras, and appeared to have a perfect family life, at least when there were cameras around. His team was very deep, even among the greatest in all of the East, and he coached well and prospered, and feared the hockey gods continually in his heart.
2. But lo the hockey gods came unto Gary Bettman, and Gary Bettman said unto them, "Hast thou considered my beautiful Penguins, that there are none like them in all the earth, and that Sidney Crosby is a perfect and upright man, and hast thou seen the poster of him that I have on my wall? His eyes are dreamy."
3. And the Gods said unto Bettman, "Yea verily they are dreamy, but hast thou not made a hedge around him, and around the Penguins on every side? Hast thou not given them a Stanley Cup, and many TV commercials with dramatic backlighting? We will put forth our hands now, and touch all that they have, and curse it, and we will test our servant Dan Bylsma to find the limits of his sanity. And besides," saith the hockey gods, "we are Caps fans anyway."
4. And on the day when the Penguins and Capitals did skate outdoors, the Gods did strike Sidney Crosby down, and there was much sadness throughout the land, particularly in the 12-to-20-year-old female fan demographic.
5. And while Bylsma was yet mourning the loss of Crosby, the hockey gods stretched out their hand again and took Evgeni Malkin from him, and said unto him, "try to make the playoffs now, motherfucker." And Dan Bylsma did take it as a challenge.
6. And behold, the Penguins did continue to win hockey games, though reckless and mighty hockey players did gather from the four corners of the earth to destroy many Penguins, and lo, their center depth was laid waste. They did attempt once again to claim the Cup of Lord Stanley but that was just not happening, and they were given an A for effort and sent on their way.
7. And it came to pass that the hockey gods did pour it on. Malkin and even Crosby did briefly return to the roster, but that was mostly just teasing, and Penguins did continue to drop in a manner like unto flies.
8. And in the week that the Penguins lost Jordan Staal, the hockey gods declared that they would play the Washington Capitals, and Dan Bylsma said to them "do we have to?" And lo, they had to.
9. And behold the Washington Capitals did destroy the Penguins from off the face of the land, and did salt the earth behind them so that nothing grew thereafter, and the league did see that there was no pity in the hearts of the Capitals, only victory, and they were afraid.
2. But lo the hockey gods came unto Gary Bettman, and Gary Bettman said unto them, "Hast thou considered my beautiful Penguins, that there are none like them in all the earth, and that Sidney Crosby is a perfect and upright man, and hast thou seen the poster of him that I have on my wall? His eyes are dreamy."
3. And the Gods said unto Bettman, "Yea verily they are dreamy, but hast thou not made a hedge around him, and around the Penguins on every side? Hast thou not given them a Stanley Cup, and many TV commercials with dramatic backlighting? We will put forth our hands now, and touch all that they have, and curse it, and we will test our servant Dan Bylsma to find the limits of his sanity. And besides," saith the hockey gods, "we are Caps fans anyway."
4. And on the day when the Penguins and Capitals did skate outdoors, the Gods did strike Sidney Crosby down, and there was much sadness throughout the land, particularly in the 12-to-20-year-old female fan demographic.
5. And while Bylsma was yet mourning the loss of Crosby, the hockey gods stretched out their hand again and took Evgeni Malkin from him, and said unto him, "try to make the playoffs now, motherfucker." And Dan Bylsma did take it as a challenge.
6. And behold, the Penguins did continue to win hockey games, though reckless and mighty hockey players did gather from the four corners of the earth to destroy many Penguins, and lo, their center depth was laid waste. They did attempt once again to claim the Cup of Lord Stanley but that was just not happening, and they were given an A for effort and sent on their way.
7. And it came to pass that the hockey gods did pour it on. Malkin and even Crosby did briefly return to the roster, but that was mostly just teasing, and Penguins did continue to drop in a manner like unto flies.
8. And in the week that the Penguins lost Jordan Staal, the hockey gods declared that they would play the Washington Capitals, and Dan Bylsma said to them "do we have to?" And lo, they had to.
9. And behold the Washington Capitals did destroy the Penguins from off the face of the land, and did salt the earth behind them so that nothing grew thereafter, and the league did see that there was no pity in the hearts of the Capitals, only victory, and they were afraid.
Monday, January 9, 2012
it's a little sunnier than i thought but otherwise this is exactly how i imagined hell
Look, even I have to admit that the Caps aren't playing too well right now. In fact, they seem to be playing with the strategy that maybe if they just stand around, pucks will fall from the sky right onto their sticks in front of open nets. In a turn of events surprising to many, it's pretty hard to win hockey games like that.
Please put down the straight razors. Everything will be okay. This team is human, and sometimes they show that in more extended stretches than we would like. But they're beautiful humans, so we love them, and let's face it, we're still not going anywhere.
I know optimism is tough to maintain after 12 midnight and if you stayed up for that whole thing then God have mercy on your soul. Here are some things to cheer you up!
A reminder that kumquats exist.
I don't know if this season is going to get very much easier, so celebrate the wins, get past the losses as quickly as you can, and try find the silver lining in everything, otherwise you're going to end up one of those fans that's miserable and mad about everything and leaves the stadium in the second period when the team is down by one.
Caps need to settle the fuck down and bend all their thoughts to winning. Only then will they surpass their mentors and rule the world.
This is still the middle part. Hope.
Caps will never lose again.
Please put down the straight razors. Everything will be okay. This team is human, and sometimes they show that in more extended stretches than we would like. But they're beautiful humans, so we love them, and let's face it, we're still not going anywhere.
I know optimism is tough to maintain after 12 midnight and if you stayed up for that whole thing then God have mercy on your soul. Here are some things to cheer you up!
Two gifs of Zooey Deschanel laughing.
Ian McKellan reading instructions on how to change a tire in his most theatrical voice.
A graphic about whether or not California might fall into the ocean.
Cinnamon roll muffins, recipe here.
I don't know if this season is going to get very much easier, so celebrate the wins, get past the losses as quickly as you can, and try find the silver lining in everything, otherwise you're going to end up one of those fans that's miserable and mad about everything and leaves the stadium in the second period when the team is down by one.
Caps need to settle the fuck down and bend all their thoughts to winning. Only then will they surpass their mentors and rule the world.
This is still the middle part. Hope.
Caps will never lose again.
it's getting old
"I didn't even know if I hit him in the head." -- Rene Bourque, directly after (possibly) concussing Nicklas Backstrom.
Most of us have seen the replay by now, but if you haven't, here's a good clip of it. It's crystal clear in slow-mo--Bourque's elbow is out at practically a ninety degree angle, there's an actual change in direction when Backstrom tries to avoid it, and if that isn't what an intentional headshot looks like, then I'm the Queen of England.
Even more disturbing, though, were Bourque's comments about the incident--how little responsibility he seemed willing to take for what happened, and how common a tactic that's become for players who find themselves facing a possible call from Mr. Shanahan.
It reminds me of Dan Carcillo's "that wasn't my intent." It reminds me of Zdeno Chara's "I didn't know where I was on the ice." Even more recently, there's even Brad Marchand's "I was just trying to defend myself," though that's a horse of a different color. Victim-blaming is a separate but connected issue, but what I'm having the most problem with is the players who try to pretend that had no idea what the hell they were doing at the time that they seriously injured someone, and therefore can't possibly be to blame.
Whether they're lying or not, these players then have to take ownership of what they've presented as truth--if according to their version of events, they really are so blindly unaware of the players are around them that they randomly, unintentionally deal out brain damage then--why should they be allowed to keep playing? The game happens very fast, I understand that--but the difference between these men and the ones who don't make it is supposed to be their ability to handle that, to make decisions, to have the vision and skating skills necessary to play. To me, the kind of skill we see on display every night doesn't match up with the blank-eyed mea culpas we get after the fact, when they've done something they know they shouldn't.
Everybody makes mistakes--but if you make a mistake that serious, there's no reason to think that the consequences should be any less serious. Excuses don't come across as a sincere desire to change--if you fucked up, apologize and then fix your behavior. The players who are skating carelessly are just as much of the problem right now as the players who are malicious.
I know I'm drawing a lot of hard lines here, some of them in very gray area, but I'm sick of the lameass apologies. I realize that lying to the press is a long and time-honored tradition, and on an even more basic level, nobody likes to get in trouble, but there's a point where it becomes about the overall culture change the league is trying to make, and the players who are still digging in their heels.
I also realize that these guys have different priorities than making me feel all snuggly good about the moral state of the NHL, but it makes it pretty hard to forgive them if they refuse to admit they've done anything wrong.
Most of us have seen the replay by now, but if you haven't, here's a good clip of it. It's crystal clear in slow-mo--Bourque's elbow is out at practically a ninety degree angle, there's an actual change in direction when Backstrom tries to avoid it, and if that isn't what an intentional headshot looks like, then I'm the Queen of England.
Even more disturbing, though, were Bourque's comments about the incident--how little responsibility he seemed willing to take for what happened, and how common a tactic that's become for players who find themselves facing a possible call from Mr. Shanahan.
It reminds me of Dan Carcillo's "that wasn't my intent." It reminds me of Zdeno Chara's "I didn't know where I was on the ice." Even more recently, there's even Brad Marchand's "I was just trying to defend myself," though that's a horse of a different color. Victim-blaming is a separate but connected issue, but what I'm having the most problem with is the players who try to pretend that had no idea what the hell they were doing at the time that they seriously injured someone, and therefore can't possibly be to blame.
Whether they're lying or not, these players then have to take ownership of what they've presented as truth--if according to their version of events, they really are so blindly unaware of the players are around them that they randomly, unintentionally deal out brain damage then--why should they be allowed to keep playing? The game happens very fast, I understand that--but the difference between these men and the ones who don't make it is supposed to be their ability to handle that, to make decisions, to have the vision and skating skills necessary to play. To me, the kind of skill we see on display every night doesn't match up with the blank-eyed mea culpas we get after the fact, when they've done something they know they shouldn't.
Everybody makes mistakes--but if you make a mistake that serious, there's no reason to think that the consequences should be any less serious. Excuses don't come across as a sincere desire to change--if you fucked up, apologize and then fix your behavior. The players who are skating carelessly are just as much of the problem right now as the players who are malicious.
I know I'm drawing a lot of hard lines here, some of them in very gray area, but I'm sick of the lameass apologies. I realize that lying to the press is a long and time-honored tradition, and on an even more basic level, nobody likes to get in trouble, but there's a point where it becomes about the overall culture change the league is trying to make, and the players who are still digging in their heels.
I also realize that these guys have different priorities than making me feel all snuggly good about the moral state of the NHL, but it makes it pretty hard to forgive them if they refuse to admit they've done anything wrong.
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