it's a little sunnier than i thought but otherwise this is exactly how i imagined hell

Look, even I have to admit that the Caps aren't playing too well right now. In fact, they seem to be playing with the strategy that maybe if they just stand around, pucks will fall from the sky right onto their sticks in front of open nets. In a turn of events surprising to many, it's pretty hard to win hockey games like that.

Please put down the straight razors. Everything will be okay. This team is human, and sometimes they show that in more extended stretches than we would like. But they're beautiful humans, so we love them, and let's face it, we're still not going anywhere.

I know optimism is tough to maintain after 12 midnight and if you stayed up for that whole thing then God have mercy on your soul. Here are some things to cheer you up!

 

Two gifs of Zooey Deschanel laughing. 

Ian McKellan reading instructions on how to change a tire in his most theatrical voice.

A reminder that kumquats exist.

A graphic about whether or not California might fall into the ocean.

Cinnamon roll muffins, recipe here.

I don't know if this season is going to get very much easier, so celebrate the wins, get past the losses as quickly as you can, and try find the silver lining in everything, otherwise you're going to end up one of those fans that's miserable and mad about everything and leaves the stadium in the second period when the team is down by one.

Caps need to settle the fuck down and bend all their thoughts to winning. Only then will they surpass their mentors and rule the world.

This is still the middle part. Hope.

Caps will never lose again.