No fuck that. Someone get a medivac unit in here, call in the helicopters and airlift the Capitals out of here, because this is a goddamn emergency.
If you have watched the Caps play over the last month or so, you know that they have been basically been playing with all the appearances of a stab wound victim just trying to stop the bleeding, and growing increasingly dizzy with blood loss as time goes on.
What is to be done? Well frankly I have no idea. That is why I am a blogger on the internet and the people who are in charge of this shit are in charge of this shit. But I do know that it's not very fun to be a fan right now, so come in here for some outlandish conspiracy theories and some things to cheer you up.
Outlandish conspiracy theories:
1. Bizarro universe has collided with our own, featuring such characters as Ineffectual Ovi, Goal-Machine Chimera, and Hilarious Mishap Mike Green.
2. Roman Hamrlik is an incubus. Take that how you will.
3. The plot of "Space Jam".
4. Caps have all come down with mono.
5. Caps are in mourning for DJ King.
Things To Cheer You Up:
A baby skunk.
Shark fin ice tray.
The Brave Little Toaster.
Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, fighting a gorilla.
HERE'S a recipe for chocolate-covered candied citrus peel.
Goals, pft. We are saving up our goals for more important occasions, such as the Penguins game next week, or the playoffs or something. There's always that really awful point of the season sometime, it was nice of the Caps to get it out of the way early this year.
Back to winning.
Now.
Let's go Caps.
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