Caps/Habs, 2/4/2012

Apologies for the radio silence, Capsland. I came down with the death flu and also as you may have seen, RMNB was silly and suicidal enough to invite me on board. Rest assured I will still be writing here, because they are professional hockey media types and such and I shouldn't say "fuck" on their blog and ruin their reputation.

That game was a train wreck, but since it worked out for the Caps and we won the game, I have zero complaints. 3-0 again in Montreal, deja vu shutout. The Habs probably hate us so fucking much by now but I have no sympathy whatsoever. They will never be forgiven. They know what they did.



The first period was so godawful on both sides that really the only way a goal was going to be scored was going to be a stupid, ridiculous freak kind of goal. Luckily, this happened in the Caps favor instead of against them.

Dennis Wideman took a totally harmless shot and it fluttered over Budaj's shoulder and then seemed to change direction midair. It is in your interest to watch this replay. You will laugh yourself sick.

Dennis Wideman never told us that he had the power to control the puck with his mind. I know he has to keep this under wraps so that the normal humans don't come for him, but I wouldn't be opposed to him using this secret ability again in the future. 1-0 Caps.

The Habs like to think that they're a pretty team--don't argue with them, they don't have very much right now, but when the Caps play them they tend to get jealous, and Caps faces are always in danger. Tonight, it was Dmitri Orlov taking a puck from Max Pacioretty right to the face. His nose was definitely broken--you know a hockey nose when you see one. Despite this, he barely missed a shift, and was on the ice regularly for the rest of the game. There's something to be said here about Russian machines and their overall durability.

We got a late power play, but if you have been watching the Capitals lately, you know that this is not necessarily a good thing. The Caps spent more of their power play time chasing down the puck in neutral zone than anything else. You could have been forgiven for thinking that they had never seen this small black vulcanized rubber thing before in their lives. Oh, boys.

Fortunately, this was one of those games where no matter how bad the Caps were, the Habs managed to be worse. They came to play hockey today in order to show us how much worse things could be, in fact, and to tell the fanbase to quit bitching all the time. We were very grateful.

Troy Brouwer was awake tonight. This should surprise no one, since he has gradually started to show us what a goddamn steal he really was. One pick for a guy that can score, pass, crash, and make the ladies swoon while he's at it? Don't mind if we do. He had a good chance in front of the net that was thwarted by Peter Budaj losing his grip on his stick and basically throwing it at him. It was a penalty shot.

No matter how glorious Troy Brouwer has been lately, though, he is not really a penalty shot kind of guy. Maybe if he could have stood in front of Budaj and screened him while taking the shot at the same time, this might have worked. No goal. Penalty shots still thrilling, news at eleven.

Another power play. It looks a bit better with Ovechkin back, and Keith Aucoin didn't fuck up at things, but mostly it was just a bunch of useless flailing and people making one, or two, or three extra passes. Goodness gracious.

But oh, the Caps think they have a bad power play? OH HO HO. The Canadiens will show you what a bad power play looks like. They went after that shit like it was a competition.

It was pretty bad. I think they won.

There's a LOT of scrambling and potential danger at the end of the second period, though, that Pacioretty-Desharnis-Cole line is destroying lives trying to make something happen. Vokoun doesn't bat an eye. He knows the deal with Caps games now. He knows how this goes. He played goal for the Florida Panthers for four years, for God's sake, like he's never seen this shit before.

It's a good time for an intermission though. Intense glaring from Dale Hunter all around. He's got a new tie tonight. He means business.

For the first part of the third period, it's back to the crazy free-wheelin' fun-times bad hockey on both sides at first, with the Habs getting a few more chances but nothing that would actually, you know...have even been a slight danger to go in the net. Vokoun is not concerned.

The grinders are showing up lately in a big way. There are all these joke lines that you can't believe were put together and seem like really terrible ideas, but then those are the lines that keep producing. Hard work > a lot of things, there, you have learned a lesson about life today.

Brooks Laich tries to stuff it in--the puck bounces out right onto Hendricks' stick in front of basically an empty net. It's his second in a week. Soft Hands Hendricks.

2-0.

For awhile it's back to nonsense hockey. Then Tomas Kaberle hooks Alex Semin on a breakaway and can it be? Two penalty shots in one game? You are getting your money's worth tonight.

I love Troy Brouwer, but facing down Alex Semin on a penalty shot is not the same thing as facing down Troy Brouwer. He skates right down into Budaj and slaps it, and it's one of those Sasha comets that no one will be able to stop, ever.

(credit welshhockeyfan.tumblr.com)

Twitter explodes. 3-0.

The only one not panicking in the last few minutes of the game is Tomas Vokoun. He's in his zen place, nothing is getting through tonight.

Win. Shutout win.

If you win three shutouts back to back in Montreal, don't you get to take something home with you? The stadium? Some poutine? A Hab? I refuse to believe there's not some kind of prize for this. Someone check on this for me.



The Caps have come away with 6 of the available 12 points in the last six road games. They're 5-3-2 in their last 10. Slowly but surely, things are starting to be okay again. Please don't go looking for a flash-bang fireworks turnaround. That is not this Caps squad, this season. But they will fight and inch their way towards where they need to be.

Quality of competition doesn't matter any more. Points are the most important thing in the world. We're fighting for every win right now, we're not wasting time thinking about anything else. It's probably be like this until the playoffs, so settle in.

I love this team.

Let's go Caps.

Caps/Bruins, 1/24/2012

I have a confession to make.

I thought we were going to lose this game.

I know, I'm awful, I didn't believe nearly hard enough--but the Bruins are a pretty good hockey team right now (in January, when it definitely counts) and the Caps were hurting bad, they were stripped down. If this were a game of Jenga, this would have been the part where some asshole took a bunch of bottom foundation pieces out and wrecked the structural integrity so that the next person to touch it sent it all toppling down.

Except it didn't. Everything stayed up, and the Caps came away looking awesome instead.

I love hockey so fucking much.



I probably didn't breathe until at least five minutes into the game. I was waiting for the domination. We were promised domination, we put it on our flyers and everything--after all, the Bruins were coming to town, and everyone is so goddamned terrified of them, they're supposed to be so scary.

Not so much.

Here's the thing--the Bruins have a lot of attitude right now, but not attitude like in a Steve McQueen way, in a way like they've just hit adolescence and they're going to sneak out of their bedrooms and go drink with their friends, fuck yeah, they're so cool. They've certainly mastered jackassery and theatrics and a lot of other things that aren't actual hockey skills, but when it comes to the rink all you need to do is what you do with any schoolyard bully, and just push back.

I expected massacre. It didn't come. Instead I got to watch my team do much, much better than I expected them to do--there were shots on goal, there were even scoring chances. That small, speedy first line somehow avoided disaster. Knuble was being the best player on the ice and wanted nothing more than to fuck up some Bruins.

They hung in there. In fact, they nearly made it to the first intermission tied at zero, but then just to make sure they didn't get too complacent, minor disaster struck. Karl Alzner swears he was trying to clear that one. His stick had other ideas.

What a dumb goal. Rest assured that Karl Alzner is very ashamed.

The second period is different, because in the second period, the Caps are aware that they're in this. No quarter is given. Brooks Laich is checking Zdeno Chara. Tomas Vokoun is being his usual frustrating self. He never lets us down, except for a few times that don't count.

Probably nobody's watching Cody Eakin. Cody Eakin makes them feel pretty stupid for that. 1-1.

You aren't even done celebrating this yet when another beautiful thing happens. This goal brought to you by Alex Semin's ridiculous hands--fantastic job by Perreault putting it away but I hope you had an eye on Semin making shit happen all night. Size issues regardless, that first line has enough pure offensive talent to make you sick. Dale Hunter is looking like a mad genius. 2-1.

Tyler Seguin ruins the whole mood. It's a goal, I guess.

I continually get the impression that Mr. Seguin thinks he's pretty hot shit. This is probably something to do with all the fifteen-year-old girls constantly proposing marriage, but hopefully all of this is not going to his head, because what a lonely, empty place that must be.

Wooooo take your shirt off.

Tie game.

Most Ovechkin goal not to be scored by an actual Ovechkin: Boychuk gives the puck away to Perreault, who needs no other invitation tonight. He goes in on a breakaway and scores like he does this every day. Hats? On. We believe.

Oh Brad Marchand. Did you somehow think that you weren't annoying enough without a goal against us? I promise you, you were annoying enough. This is just overkill.

Whatever. 3-3 game at the second intermission. This is the most exciting game of your life.

The Verizon Center sounds like a fucking Thunderdome for the next 20 minutes. All the people there in Boston jerseys are feeling pretty stupid. The team is looking fierce, winning battles, taking advantage of opportunities, yeah that's right, John Tortorella. Opportunism leads to goals.

Perreault takes his second penalty of the night for high-sticking...Zdeno Chara? All right. This is very bemusing as there's nearly a foot of height difference between them, but if Perreault was actually able to accomplish the infraction they called him for, he deserves a high five, not two minutes.

He's not done.

HATS.

You probably made some pretty strange noises. God knows I did. The only good thing about low expectations is that when something else happens instead of the defeat you thought, it feels downright miraculous.

An empty netter for Mr. All Star, just to show the Bruins just how fucking good he's doing without them, and the Caps win, 5-3. Sorry, I can't schedule anything for the next week because I'll be busy watching replays of this game.

 

Win.

Dare I say best game of the season? It's up there. There were no two ways about it, the reason this hockey game was being played was to see what the Washington Capitals were made of. At least for now, you have to say we've answered those questions--and hopefully, the boys have answered it for themselves, too, remembered what they are even when all the chips are down.

Normally Caps fans do not cry because this his hockey and we have a reputation to uphold. But this is different. This is pride crying.

I love this fucking team. 

Let's go Caps.

give that back please.

Help. Someone has taken our Alex Ovechkin.

Three games is too long. One game is too long. Five seconds would have been too long. It's not that I think that the hit wasn't suspendable because it very much was--like it or not, Alex Ovechkin has more edge to his game than any other player on the roster. It's just that in their current incarnation, and ever since Ovechkin stepped onto the ice in Washington for the first time, the Caps to some extent have been Alex Ovechkin, they've been nearly synonymous. We don't like being without him, it doesn't feel right.

It's going to be very, very weird without him, especially because he's just joining the list of those the Caps have had to do without--Backstrom is still out of the lineup, so is Green, the core of this team has been systematically dismantled--hopefully not for good, but at least for now.

I need to dig deep to find reasons not to despair, but I think you know I can do it.

As Mr. Ovechkin himself would say, it is what it is. The team will get through it somehow, because they have to. It's not good or even functional to be missing three major offensive components of your team, but it's not like they have other options--they're going to play three games without them, because they have to. They'll play some very good teams, and they'll play teams that are hurting as badly as we are. You're going to see players step up because they're needed, and you're going to see small moments of brilliance that wouldn't have happened otherwise. It might not all be pretty, but at least it'll all be very, very new.

Three games. It's going to stretch out over an inconvenient amount of time, but it's only three games. Backstrom will come back. Ovechkin will come back. In the meantime it will be hard, but like my dad used to tell me every time I bitched about things being unfair--we can do hard things.

Go Caps.

Caps/Pens, 1/22/2012

Anyone who is crying about that hockey game, don't bother reading the rest of the recap, because I loved it. There was a lot against the Caps going into this game, and judging from their play in the first period, some of the issues should have been insurmountable.

They weren't. The Caps stepped up in a huge way and sustained themselves seemingly on sheer hate for the better part of forty minutes. They tied up the game, and then they took a lead. They forced overtime. They did all of this with one--one--natural center on the ice.

This was a character game--namely, if you've been doubting that the Caps have it, they came out to prove you wrong.


Shortish recap because if you weren't watching this game, you're certifiably insane. The first period was a disaster. Nothing was connecting. Nobody knew what was going on. Turns out that playing hockey with nearly an entire position missing isn't the best idea.

Kris Letang scored in the first eight seconds of the first Pens power play. Boy it would be nice to have a puck-moving defensemen around. Sob.

James Neal made it 2-0 because he's a motherfucker. You probably thought the game was over.

It wasn't.

I don't know what happened in the intermission between the first and second period. Maybe Dale Hunter glared them into submission. Maybe they shook off the weirdness of the 12:30 start and woke up. Maybe they had 110 volts of electricity channeled straight into their bodies. Whatever it was, they came out with a vengeance and wanted nothing more than to destroy every Penguin on the ice.

It was a very good thing that you didn't turn off the TV, because you would have missed Mike Knuble with some actual stickwork--there was a deke, people. Knuble on the first line is a good idea. Tell your friends.

Brooks Laich is the king of timing. It hasn't been great that he hasn't scored in awhile, but he's been doing lots of other things for the team in the meantime--and he sure as hell stepped up when it counted. 2-1.

If you didn't lean forward, you're not a Caps fan.

Ovechkin had an ugly hit on Michalek in the second period that may or may not be looked at by supplemental discipline--Michalek was falling already so that may get him out of it, but he did leave his feet on the hit. Uh...vintage Ovechkin?

Michalek chose to retaliate with a head hit on Hendricks, thus surrendering any high ground that he could possibly have had.

Alex Semin saves our lives by tying up the score at the end of the second period. You can't believe it.

NBC still unaware there is more than one Russian on the ice, news at eleven.

Alex Ovechkin made a compelling case for the contrary in the third period with a beautiful, beautiful goal--his third point of the night--and the Caps were briefly winning the game. There is no reason that that they should have been able to do that. This lead brought to you by anger and stupid blind hope. But it happened.

Unfortunately the game did not end here, and I hate James Neal. The Caps lost. I am sorry to tell you this--it would have been an amazing miracle and your entire week would have been made, but you know what? It was a tiny bit amazing anyway.


It's not that losing is okay. I am not one of those new age parents who's all "oh, everyone's a winner." Losing is never acceptable--but this was the best loss of the year, this was thrilling, tough hockey. Caps ground a point out of it, despite the fact that they shouldn't have even been able to get the puck up the ice.

I loved my team today. I'm stupid proud of them. And I hope they're learning.

Let's go Caps.

Caps/Pens pregame

Judging from recent history, tomorrow's game should be a 3-0 Caps shutout.

The ups and downs of being a Caps fan this season are getting a bit exhausting, huh? The good news is, it's not all downs--maybe you're a little frustrated right now, but that means you still care--and if you can't care about a Pens/Caps game, you probably don't have a pulse anymore.

Even if we lose 45-0, there will be no better way to spend your afternoon tomorrow than watching the game. But we won't. The Caps win games against Pittsburgh like it's their job--because it kind of is.

EARLY STARTS ARE THE WORST THING IN YOUR LIFE

Who the fuck plays hockey at 12:30 in the afternoon? 

Nobody, that's who. Whose idea are these early starts? Because they're fired. Caps won't even get to hold practice, and you just know they'll be all thrown off and confused, like usual with these mid-day games. To add insult to injury, the game is on NBC, so prepare yourself for a broadcast full of information that you already know, or is wrong!

EDIT: @CapsHockey18 points out that this is probably a bit of a workaround for NFL playoffs football tomorrow. This sounds like A Reason, but the inability of the universe to revolve around hockey is constantly astonishing to me. Talk about misplaced priorities. 

DON'T LOOK NOW BUT

Pittsburgh is on a five-game winning streak. However, it's worth noting that the last team that they lost to was Washington, and who doesn't like some neat bookending? 

We especially like beating the Penguins in their own house, and since it's the last time we're going to play them all season--yes really, the schedule maker got overexcited and stuffed all the Pens/Caps into one half of the season--let's close this out with style.

KRIS LETANG OR WHATEVER

Is he still relevant? Maybe. At the very least, he is still leading the league in douchey haircuts, and now he has douchey facial hair to match. We're all so pleased. 

No but really, the Pens roster is starting to slowly, slowly limp back into the lineup--Letang's playing again, and so is Dustin Jeffrey. This is fine because we don't really get the same mortal-enemies vibe from a roster full of AHLers. Kris Letang's stupid face is fuel for the fire. 

Caps are trying your patience, I get that. This season might be easier if you make a lifestyle change to masochism and just start enjoying the pain. I am looking into this and will let you know. 

In the meantime, the Caps are going to win this game, because it's against the Penguins, and that's a biological imperative. 

Let's go Caps. 

Caps/Canes pregame

Oh lord, this again.

Divisional rivalries are interesting no matter what, but I can't help feeling that the Canes are the annoying, pesky little brothers of the Southeast--not really dangerous but always around, bothering people, tracking mud onto the carpet, bringing bugs into the house. They just don't go away. 

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS

With the, uh--controversial never-shoot style of hockey that the Caps have been playing lately, every team is a potential threat, and as Coach Muller showed us last week, these are not your grandmother's Hurricanes. They're worth keeping an eye on--they haven't beat the Caps yet this season, but last game they outshot them 24 to 44, which was in fact a season high for the Canes. 

I know both our goalies are playing well again, and that's great, but it's still not very nice to do that to them. If the Caps really loved them, they'd make a little more offense happen tonight. 

JEFF SKINNER HAS DECIDED TO BE EVIL

This is fact. 

I know he still looks the same--all rosy-cheeked and cherubic, snakes and snails and puppy dog tails, but please do not be fooled. This boy has crossed to the dark side. Remember his slashing and chirping from last game? Remember the unnecessary scrum he started after the game ended? Mr. Skinner is going through his teenage rebellion phase on national TV, and we are witnessing it. Caps should probably just kind of assume that he's going to be a problem, because chances are he's going to try some shit. 

CANES KILLAH

Alex Semin scored the last time we played the Canes, which is basically the same thing as saying that the sun rose in the morning. Semin has 27 goals in 39 career games against Carolina, more than he's scored against any other team. 

Alex Semin will probably score. And you will like it. 

Our division lead has gotten just slightly, slightly less precarious--we're hanging on by our fingertips now instead of just our fingernails. Every game is important right now though. Every game is a character game, there's not really much time for trial and error anymore--and points. I warned you. From here on out, I'm obsessed with tiny numbers and the way they add up. 

So win another hockey game, team. We love it when you do that. 

Let's go Caps.

Caps/Habs, 1/18/2012

Welcome back, Michal Neuvirth, eater of pucks, destroyer of worlds.

Remember at the beginning of the season when everyone was highly impressed with the talent of our goaltending tandem? Get ready for them to be impressed again. This last stretch of games have seen Vokoun standing pretty tall for the Caps, and tonight Neuvirth came out to remind us that he may not be the starter on this team, but he's nobody's backup.


I have to admit, there was a tiny, tiny part of me that wanted the Caps to just ignore Rene Bourque completely, act like they had no idea who he was. Just to freak him out.

And then jump him in the last minute and destroy his existence, of course. Justice must be served.

This obviously isn't the way things turned out--in fact, Bourque was on the ice for exactly nine seconds before Hendricks challenged him to a fight, and made him pay for the elbow on Backstrom by hitting Bourque's fists multiple times with his face.

Take that.

The fourth line was very, very mysterious tonight. We are told that Perrault is in the lineup, and then at the last minute we're told that he is out and Jay Beagle is in.

And then Perrault scores, and it's beautifully unexpected and hilarious. I try to explain this to a Habs fan friend, and she does not get the joke.

After being more or less invisible for a good stretch now, this game was all about number 90--not all of it was good, but it was Mojo night in Montreal. All Marcus Johannsons get free drinks on the house.

He makes it 2-0 within the first ten minutes. He is adorable, in a deadly sort of way.

John Erskine takes an interference penalty early on in the game, but I sincerely hope you saved all your frustration or indulgent affection for John Erskine for later, because by God did he have a second act coming.

Some people might say that the Habs had power plays. This depends on your definition of "power play". Nothing was actually accomplished. This is mostly due to the extreme awfulness of the Habs' PP, but we cannot discount the brave men of the penalty-killing units--Laich, Knuble, and Wideman all get gold stars of merit for goalie-like behavior.

Ovechkin decides to show them what a real, functioning power play looks like.

Habs are weirdly unappreciative of this. Don't they know that's Alex Ovechkin? He probably would have given them autographs if they'd asked nicely, but they pretty much blew it.

3-0.

Apparently no more shots on goal are necessary for the rest of the game. I love Dale Hunter with all of my heart and soul but I am starting to suspect that the plays he is drawing up on his white board are all "don't, under any circumstances, ever shoot the puck."

Erik Cole side-swipes Hendricks with a knee-on-knee hit. His surprised face fucking sucks. If Hendricks is hurt from this, there are going to be words.

There is some kind of triple penalty on Erskine. .....This is new. It's funny because we're already winning the game, and why not, the PK units need to stretch their legs again--if we'd been down or tied, I would have been enraged. It was a dumb call. Most of them were from there on out. By the end of the game the refs are on their knees blowing the Habs and you feel kind of awkward, like you're intruding or something.

Habs can't even catch up with a handicap.

WIN.



So! Progress. We won on the road, which I thought would never happen again, and better things happened tonight overall, though not necessarily because the Caps did anything different. The goaltending is back, the scoring was there, but the shots on goal have been left for dead in a back alley after being stabbed multiple times.

Unsolved mystery.

But I do not complain on nights that we win, and especially not on shutout nights. Two points. 3-0. That score sure looks pretty.

Yay team. You didn't lose, and I love you. Go Caps.